I am fiending...

I have a confession to make.....I am a smoker.  Or rather I WAS a smoker until my birthday last Tuesday, May 22st.  I had my last super tasty cigarette that Monday night at approximately 9:45pm.  It was an otherwise uneventful day. 
Let me elaborate.  I never was a heavy smoker.  I smoked about 4-5 cigs a day, so a pack lasted me anywhere from 4-5 days.  I decided to quit cold turkey on my birthday because hell, it seemed just as good as a day as any other.  Upon hearing that I quit, my husband, who smoked about a pack a day for the last 18 years also decided to quit.  He is also working out daily and eating healthy.  He has been taken over by aliens apparently.

I had no idea that he was quitting until I called him a week or so ago and here's a direct transcript of the conversation:
Mr D:  (in a voice not unlike people that are possessed) "I just got a $75 ticket for not wearing my seatbelt, plus I'm not smoking anymore so I'm just really pissed off."
Me:  "Oh, I didn't know that you quit smoking?!"
Mr D:  "WELL, THAT'S WHAT THAT MEANS WHEN YOU DON'T BUY ANYMORE CIGARETTES AT THE STORE."
Me: (in my most patient voice EVER) "I'm sorry....I didn't know that you hadn't bought anymore...."
Mr. D:  "WELL, THAT'S WHAT I AM TRYING TO TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!" (said with the tone as if "I" am the idiot that cannot read his mind...."

Needless to say, I got off the phone QUICKLY.

Quitting has been relatively easy for me, except for today.  I found myself becoming really anxious about something and actually had to talk myself out of trying to smoke old butts out of the ash tray outside that the stray neighborhood cats have probably since used as a litter box.

Reminded me of this clip....minus the cheesy song and message at the end. blah.

I am proud to say that I am still smoke free....for now. 
Just to recap my life.  In the past several weeks, I have had the bladder infection from hell, I no longer enjoy food because of the diet, and I no longer get to enjoy cigarettes.  I am convinced that one of two things is happening...

1.  I am being punished by God for reading and immensely enjoying Fifty Shades of Grey.
or
2.  This is the boring life of people that are actually healthy and fit (minus the bladder infection, of course).  That, I am sure, I received from WAY too much "Gray" time with Mr.D.  My body is clearly rejecting the "twice in one week" experience that Mr. D enjoyed with much incredulity.  

Quickie....

Just a quick post.  Tomorrow is my birthday and several weeks ago, I made one of the best decisions of my life.  I started a Pinterest board titled "Birthday List."  I decided to do this so that Mr. D would have less anxiety ridden nights deciding on the perfect birthday/Christmas/anniversary gift for me.  So, it worked like a charm.  Mr. D gave me my gifts last night since he has to work on my actual birthday.  I received an iTunes gift card, a Visa gift card, a gift card to one of my favorite places in the whole wide world...Firehouse Subs, a Hungry Girl cookbook, and this beauty right here....





This jewel is from Bed Bath and Beyond and provides fluorescent lighting with 8x magnification.  Mr. D told me that this mirror should last me for the rest of my life, which in his terminology means that he spent a lot of money on it.  That and he "accidentally" left the price tag on it.  Whatever.
Lord Have Mercy.  One look into this baby and you will be convinced that your face is covered with nothing but long hair and that your ancestors MUST be Sasquatches and that your pores closely resemble this.....




 Your friendly neighborhood pothole.  I was AMAZED at everything that I could see in this mirror:  the potholes, the hair, the sun damage.  After 10 minutes, I was convinced that I was the most unattractive human on the planet.

But oh,  this mirror is a plucker's DEEEE-LITE.....
So, if you need me for the next couple of hours before I have to be at the PC, you can find me in front of this baby plucking away any hairs that look at me the wrong way!

Hopefully I won't become overly obsessed and pluck all of my eyebrow hairs off and be FORCED, like this lady, to tattoo pics of my cats where my eyebrows used to be.




 YIKES!







 

I'm seeing red.....

I am exhausted.  I don't know what the deal is, but I feel as though I don't have the energy to do much besides work 40 plus hour weeks at the PC and come home and go to bed.  I am also thankful that I only have about 2 months left before I start my new big girl job, because I am starting to want to choke certain people.  It seems like every day I am faced with LOADS of things on the to do list and an equal amount of employees who don't want to do anything but collect a paycheck in which they haven't earned a dime for. 
Rewind to yesterday after work.....
I get home...take a nap....wake up to the most wonderful news that I've had all week.....It's Taco Night!  Praise the Lord.....now I can drown my sorrows and frustrations from work with massive amounts of taco meat, cheese, and sour cream.  We sit down as a family, eat, and watch TV.  Mr. D is watching (which means we all must watch) a show called "Storage Wars"  that focuses on how men, with obviously too much time and money, bid on storage units based on viewing what is inside from the entrance to the storage unit without the benefit of going in to peruse the situation.  Whew.  Now, on to a curious find for one of the men from the show. 






Does anyone know what these are? 












They are for chickens....duh!  So apparently, when chickens see "red" on their fellow chickens, they will peck them to death.  So, the point is to have the chickens wear these glasses all the time because it decreases their aggressive tendencies. 

Craziest thing that I've ever heard and what's even crazier.....who would have thought that I would have learned something from watching one of Mr. D's dumb man shows???!!!

So I got to thinking......

If you need me today, I can be found at the PC walking around wearing a pair of these....


It's truly the ONLY way to ensure the safety of my employees from their manager who must listen to true comments such as these:
(After employee is 10 minutes late WITHOUT calling or giving any excuse whatsoever...much attitude is given by said employee to the most understanding and coolest manager in the whole wide world when she asks him to start on a certain project) "I don't like being told that I need to do something the first 15-20 minutes after I walk through the door....."

Lord Jesus.....help me not to kill anyone today.  Amen.  

Epic fail.

Please disregard the prior post....I have done none of the aforementioned.  That's right, no gym, no dishes, no laundry, no tanning, and definitely no weight watchers meeting.

I have sat in the same spot for the last six hours on my fat arse doing one thing and ONLY one thing....


So, while my dishes and clothes remained unwashed, my butt grew by the minute, and my flowers were outside dying because I haven't watered them today.....you could find me inside reading this little beauty.
My girlfriends are RAVING about it as well as several of the bloggers that I follow, so I decided this afternoon to order it on my Sony Reader.  God forbid that I actually leave the house today to do anything productive like go to an actual bookstore and buy the book.  
Needless to say, six hours later....I am hooked. The English teacher snob in me thinks that it is literary garbage without a significant deeper purpose or meaning within the pages. I felt a slight tinge of guilt that one of my minors was Women's Studies and that my old professors would burn my diploma and probably me "Salem Witch style" if they ever knew that I was reading this book. However, I cannot help it and I must admit that it is H-O-T!  "Have mercy" kind of hot.  I'm not even normally into romance or erotic books....but this is a must read.  I'm only about a third of the way through the book, but I literally cannot put it down. 
****CAUTION***** Any fitness goals, household chores, appointments, and just plain leaving the confines of your house will totally fly out the window until you have finished this book...and I can assume the whole trilogy. 
Happy reading! ;-)

Praise the Lord for days off!

So, I finally have a day off from work where I may get to do things BESIDES laundry, dishes, etc.  Now, don't get me wrong...I will be doing those two things today, but only one load of each.  Thank God!  I was supposed to begin my morning with a personal trainer at 10am and I was a no show slacker.  Pitiful.  I will redeem myself by hitting the gym alone in a couple of hours, unless I can rouse the sleeping bear and have him go with me before he has to be at work.  However, I'd be shocked if it wasn't a solo visit.  So far, I have accomplished catching up on Grimm and The Real Housewives of New Jersey.  That's it.  Nothing else but watching TV.  I feel like a tired, lazy slob. 

My agenda for today:
Gym

Lord Help!

Housework

Never ends!

Spray Tan
 

and announcing my newest mission.....

I'm beginning Weight Watchers again, so I will attend my first meeting and weigh in tonight.  I struggled with wanting to share this but I thought, why not.....
It's worked for me before and I only seem to gain weight when I quit the program because I think that I can do it on my own.  I've gained approximately 14 lbs since I was married last August and it has GOT TO GO!  I worried about sharing in case I fail at this, but since I am using this blog as a sort of journal to keep my sanity, I thought it counter productive to keep it to myself.
I'll be honest....I hate having to keep up with what I put in my mouth, but I obviously am not capable of keeping myself in check. I also despise the gym and everything that I do inside that horrendous building.  I equally despise admitting that I have failed, and sharing that I am back on the Weight Watchers program is basically admitting that I failed on my own.  I am an old athlete that cannot believe that I have gotten old and out of shape.  So, I will face the scale tonight....Hopefully it will be kinder than I expect it to be. 
 
On a more positive note, I am having baby fever again.  We will see how long it lasts this time.  I'm betting five minutes.

Reality TV Wrap-up

Since student teaching is O-V-E-R....I have been catching up on my DVR, which is full of massive amounts of reality TV.  It is mind numbing and a no brainer, which makes it perfect for winding down and relaxing.  So, my FAVS at this moment are The Real Housewives of New Jersey and The Voice.
My favorite on The Voice is Jamar Rogers.  He was booted last week, but he is INCREDIBLE!
Watch this:

Such passion and emotion.  He has AIDS and this song is PERFECT for him.  It's a reminder for all of us how to live our lives every moment of every day.  I double heart love him.
To be honest, the fact that a certain person is a coach on The Voice doesn't hurt either.

Lord have mercy!  

Anyway, tonight is the finals on The Voice and I really do not care who wins, just as long as it's not Christina's team.  Her team member sings well and all...however his coach is a witch and makes really cutting and inappropriate remarks to the other contestants that aren't on her team. Then she follows it with, "Well, I'm just being honest..."
Now, I ask you, how can someone with these fashion choices on the show judge anyone???
AND if we are being "honest".....well then, judge for yourself the following:

I assure you that these are not photo shopped because I witnessed these outfits live on TV. 

Moving on.  My true guilty pleasure and vice of sorts is the show The Real Housewives of New Jersey.  Each of the five cast members is a family member of at least one other cast member on the show.  Therefore, it is family drama at its best.  Jealousy, lying, competitiveness, hurt feelings, cattiness, and spray tans galore.  It's actually not quite unlike certain aspects of my own family.  Someone's always on the "outs."  Someone's feelings are always hurt and if you catch us in July, our tans are poppin!
Check out the show....you will be AMAZED at how crazy and how eerily familiar it seems.

On a final note, I received a phone call this morning and received the news that I am now "OFFICIAL" in the school system that I will be working for in the fall.  Great news on an otherwise pretty "blah" day.

Impressive....

Good Morning!
Today I start the first of many, many days this summer working at the PC until my big girl job starts in August.  To celebrate this momentous occasion, I ate a bowl of cereal the size of my bathtub.  Literally.  It was impressive how many fruit loops I could cram into the ginormous bowl, which actually was not a cereal bowl but rather a mixing bowl.  You get the picture.  So, already my stress eating has started.  Yay.  Seriously, I need to get into shape.  I know that I am getting a little too fleshy when I smile and it looks like I am storing nuts for the winter in my cheeks.
So, instead of any weight gain going to my rear so that I could look more like this....

It all goes to my face and I look like this...

Minus the cuteness, of course.
Sigh....so now that student teaching is over, I must take drastic measures and rejoin the gym this week and start tracking what I shovel into this mouth.
I think that I will wait until Friday.

And another thing....

Obviously I am already addicted to this blog thing as I have yet to get out of my pjs and head to the grocery.  Yes, it is 11am. Don't judge.
I thought I would explain why my display name is "The Skipper."  It is because I am a control freak, plain and simple.  I am the captain of this ship and like to be in control of where it goes and when.  I try very hard to give control over to the Lord, like I am supposed to do.  Suffice it to say, this is a work in progress because I am crazy.
Case in point, last night Mr. D (who hilariously thinks he is "The Skipper" of this family) had a bunch of his friends over for the fight.  I had to work at the PC from 12 until close and would not be here to make sure that the food that I slaved over was presented correctly and that some of the shadier characters did not find their way up the stairs into my jewelry box.  I kid....maybe.
Anyway, Mr. D and I had a epic battle before I left for work because I was trying to explain to him in the nicest way possible how I wanted the food displayed and which serving utensil he should use, followed by a lecture on not getting too distracted by the boxing match as to become negligent in his quest (assigned by me) to make sure that all of his friends used a coaster.  He has never been as happy as he was when I finally left for work...and he did not hesitate to tell me so.  So, you see, I'm crazy neurotic about perfection or at least faking it when we have guests over, even if it is ten of his smelly men friends whose favorite chef is Chef Boyardee.  I am trying to improve upon this, one teeny tiny step at a time.
Since I am spilling my guts, I am also addicted to all things home related.  My true weakness is china and wall decor.  I have four sets of china and if there is a bare spot on the wall, I literally dream about that spot until something is hung there.  True story.  I'm sure that there is medication for this; however, I am too busy spending money on new pieces of china to afford a prescription.  Ha!

New beginnings....

I'm  beginning this blog with the hopes that it will keep me from losing my mind....ha.  No really, I'm starting a new career in the fall that I've worked a long time to achieve.  My hope is that the kids don't make me lose my mind and that I only cry in the parking lot after school a max of one time every couple of weeks and that it is not in front of my principal or any fellow coworkers.

Now, on to the mundane. 
Today is Sunday and my fleshy butt should be in church.  Instead, I am sitting uncomfortably in my recliner so not to disturb the cat beside me that is sleeping.  Who's house is this?  Well, the fact that I am sitting like a contortionist should give you the obvious answer. Duh.
Since I am not working at the PC (shocking.) I am catching up on all the blogs that I follow, wondering why I follow as many as I do.  I seem to have little in common with many of the blogs or their authors. I do not live in a ginormous house, nor am I a stay at home mom with a seemingly endless amount of money to spend and trips to take.  For that matter, I am not a "mom" at all....unless you count that I am a mother of sorts to two cats and an evil stepmother to one thirteen year old.  So, why do I follow one's blog when I am neither "tidy" nor a "mom"?  Well, I have high hopes that one day I will have the opportunity to live a seemingly perfect life complete with a massive house, gorgeous children, unlimited amounts of money to shop and travel, and an equally unlimited amount of time search for hidden treasures and craft my heart out.  And when that day happens, I will need to refer to the above mentioned blogs for guidance.

Until then, I will spend my summer trying not to lose my mind working at the PC before my big girl job begins in August.  I will also be partaking in two of my favorite things:  reading and sun worshiping...one of which will have me looking on the outside one day what I already feel currently on the inside....80 years old.

Since today is Sunday and we have Sunday dinner every Sunday night, I guess I'll peel myself out of this recliner and go to Publix for the ingredients for my homemade spaghetti and meatballs.  Now, how do I get out of the chair without disturbing the sleeping cat on the foot rest?

Toot-a-loo!